Lying When it's Just as Easy to Tell the Truth

Naturally, one is not immune from dishonesty simply by being free of an upbringing tinged with alcoholism. But people who spent their childhoods in alcoholic households tend to lie when it's just as easy to tell the truth. This does not mean that people who had alcoholic parents are liars. I repeat, this does not mean that people raised by drinkers are liars. Keep in mind that most people raised by drinkers have to guess at what normal is. Part of that guesswork, or rather, the action taken after that guesswork, involves shades of dishonesty. A lie could be: Yes, I love asparagus. And the lie is told because it pleases someone. It helps to avoid conflict. It helps to avoid figuring out what vegetables one really likes, if not asparagus. A lie could be: Yes, I read your email. Yet the email has not been read. But it must be "normal" to read email that quickly. Yes, it must be, because if one is being asked whether they have read the email, the question itself implies that it should have been read. A lie could be: I totally forgot your birthday. In actuality, the birthday was not forgotten. Yet the anxiety caused by realizing the birthday was passing without acknowledgement on its day, leads to a kind of mind-numbing panic. A lie will be needed.

Comments

[Concerned]

I know it takes time but Individuals neet to start prctising now how to stop this process and rcognise the damage that lies do emotionaly to others.

[acoa]

This the one "Common Characteristic" I have often wondered about and struggled with. Your explanation is enlightening.

I do justify "shading" or spinning things in order to avoid conflict and/or placing myself in uncomfortable situations. But not in a coldly calculating way or to overtly manipulate anyone. Sometimes it just seems easier for all involved.