Done reading Janet Geringer Woititz's book, "The Self-Sabotage Syndrome." Though, I don't think it's a book that I'll ever finish reading in the sense of read, shut, and return to the shelf. I mean "finished" in that I've completed my first of many reads of a book that I'm going to be reading again and again throughout my working career.
continued...
THIS $9 BUCK BOOK MADE MY DAY - MY WORKDAY
I've got the same complaints as I did upon my first impression of the book - it's not a pretty book and the typeface, which is meant to make the book easier on the eyes, is distracting. But, really, who (outside of the publishing business) cares?
It's the content that matters most and that's the best part of the book. I was hoping to finish reading the explanation sections and arrive at the meat -- the 'here's how' of the book -- before too long. When I hit the meat of the book, the last third of it, "Developing Healthy Patterns," I was pleased. While I wanted scenarios and dialogue samples, it was more than enough that the book presents the most common issues of children of alcoholics in the workplace, and suggests mindframes in order to help us manage and -- best thing: to grow.
Just as with any personal growth, growing in the workplace also hinges on our ability to see, identify, and acknowledge our behaviors (functional and non-functional behaviors alike). So, be ready to take a honest look at your work self. And remember that self-reflection is required in order to learn from and grow from the tips and suggestions in this book. Be open to advice.
I'M IN THIS BOOK - SHE'S WRITING ABOUT ME
Page after page, I identified with the summaries in the book -- the examples of how children of alcoholics think at work. Take this: "If I am not productive, I am worthless." Ever thought that, or behaved as if that were true? Woititz addresses this misconception, which is very common among children of alcoholics. I know I've thought that thought. She then discusses why that's a misconception, and how to approach altering our thinking about our worth in the workplace.
The idea of neutrality is incredibly wise. The idea is to practice taking a neutral position at work, at least for a few months, and to avoid crises and feverish reactions, positions, or campaigns for change. The idea of neutrality is to keep it simple for a while.
"Changing your behavior at work does not mean correcting it. It simply means to begin to react more neutrally at work. You may have to be able to stay neutral before you can once again live effectively at work."
EMBODY THE NEUTRAL PERSONA
The "Self-Sabotage" book suggests taking a mental step back from a situation at work, reflecting on it from a distance, talking to people outside of work about the situation, being open to their points of view on the situation (not arguing with them about their points of view, but listening and accepting them), and to be able to look at your work environment from a position of healthy detachment.
Getting neutral is something that's so easy to immediately put into practice. How often does an email arrive that triggers a stress response, how often does a co-worker try to drag you into gossip or pit you against another co-worker (consciously or unconsciously), and how often do you find yourself reacting emotionally rather than in a detached, neutral manner? At least once a day, right? (At least.)
You can always say, Let me think about that, when a potential crisis hits. Give yourself the space in which to embody the neutral persona.
If you suddenly find out Management is re-structuring the staff, just think, "We'll see what we see when we see it," and just ask questions of Management, such as, "How can we expect this to impact our jobs?" and when you get your answers, don't react -- think, detach, get space and discuss with others outside of work instead.
And remember -- you're OK.
Wait, there's more! I also wrote about self-sabotage in this post.
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