Forget You're Pretending

Anybody heard about The Secret, about the law of attraction, by Rhonda Byrne? First it was a video, then turned into a book, then an audiotape, MP3s, etc. Now it's everywhere, a movement, or an epidemic, depending on your point of view.

I mention it here because I realized that it has value for people like us, who grew up with alcoholics. (It surprised me, too.) The premise of The Secret is that your mind has the power to attract to you everything that you want. The author says that the Universe will bring to us anything that we want (a BMW, a boyfriend, a new job, an exotic trip, better friends, a cup of coffee...), as long as we do our part and  consciously work to attract that thing to us.

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Anyone who has read Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning knows that the power of the mind helped Viktor survive Nazi concentration camps. He writes about it beautifully and illustrates what a strong, nimble mind looks like. I've long been sold on the idea of mind over matter, the power of the mind, that I create my own reality, that I can change my reactions, actions, outlook, and so forth. But, can I attract a BMW?

Do I even want to?

In giving myself over to The Secret, I uncovered some surprising unconscious beliefs. For instance, I discovered that, subconsciously, I don't believe that I deserve a BMW. I discovered that I deeply identify with my social class and that it makes me uneasy to think about owning something that 'rich' people--they--own.  I uncovered the fact that I associate 'things' with class and that despite my being in conflict about where I come from, I am nevertheless deeply tied to that place. I feel a loyalty to my roots that I was unaware of. It was eye-opening, a real surprise to uncover these values (largely unconscious) via this route, this book.

The other interesting part of viewing my life through the lense of attracting anything I want to me was the discovery of what would actually make me truly happy. Do you know what you'd choose if you could attract whatever you want, really want, anything, to you?  Hardly any of my choices were material goods, most were experience-oriented, like travel to unusual lands, meeting and talking to people who'd had remarkable experiences, cooking, crafting things...) 

I wish__________ . Fill in the blank.

Making wishes and backing them up with heartfelt attract-it-to-me energies is easier said than done--but also more illuminating than I'd expected.

I practiced attracting free coffee to me before I applied the technique to bigger wishes. For a week I sent out thoughts of free coffee into the Universe and began to think of myself as someone to whom free coffee comes easily. After three days, as I was walking from having bought my morning coffee, I walked by a woman passing out free coffee mugs as part of a promotion for a new cafe, which made me chuckle.

In order to get to a place in my mind in which I am consciously attracting something bigger than free coffee, something I truly do want, say, a book contract, I have to face at least one goblin in my way -- a goblin that is scared of success. So, there I was, driving to work and thinking positively about attracting success, thinking as if success were already upon me: "I can't wait to get that book contract, I'm looking forward to it. I can feel how my body will feel, excited, when I get that call from my (fictional) agent. Oh, boy. Wow." Then...fear:  that's too big, uncomfortable, too new.  And I backed off from the thought. Because I grew up in an alcoholic home, I'm more comfortable with chaos than the lack of chaos--and success is void of chaos in that if I am projecting positive energy in order to attract success, then I don't have any mental energy left over for anxiety, What Ifs, or self-criticism. Unfortunately, that's uncomfortable!

And, yet, I've decided to be comfortable with the discomfort so that I can grow. The deal is, I can't hang on to control and attract my wishes to me.  That's the rub.  I have to let go of habitual, unconscious negative thoughts in order to grasp wishes.  That's OK.  After all, do I honestly believe that personal growth could occur without a pang, several pangs?

This isn't about The Secret. Healing and growing as someone who grew up in an alcoholic household is about taking a similar approach, though. How? You've got to fake it till you make it, embody the life and mind of a healthy you.

The trick is to think of yourself as if you're already there, already the best you. Healing in action is envisioning yourself as a person who has experienced tremendous personal growth, thinking of yourself as someone who copes well with sudden change, knowing that you are someone who is comfortable speaking your mind, someone who is very comfortable in the face of disapproval, someone who can be himself or herself in any situation, because you're entirely grounded in you.

Let's be good to oursleves.

Comments

[sadbuttrue]

thanks for writing this---a good point, good writing and really helpful site/ blog