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David McBurnett

ACA is a great fellowship, growing by leaps and bounds. The new complete text Big Red Book is an amazing gift to recovery.

amy eden


Amen to that, John. I think that the 12 Step people try to make room for non-religious and non-deity thinking by saying that one can define Higher Power as anything...even a rock. But you make a good point; I think that what youre saying is particularly appropriate for adult children, because were all too used to giving credit to others before giving it to ourselves! We ought to credit ourselves.

Mahamudra

By insisting "How can dependence on anything or anyone be helpful? Isn't it more effective and helpful for us to believe in our selves and our own strength, decisions and success. After all, I've really got no one to thank or give credit to but myself. I did all of the work. Not my higher power and not God. When is recovery going to be totally free of religion, god or a higher power? Wouldn't the whole process just be easier without it?", the commenter "12 Step Free" makes the same mistake as all formal religions -- insisting that their way is the only one true way. We're all climbing the same spiritual mountain "12 Step Free", but taking different routes.

Vanessa

I just want to point out that many of the traits has a flipside that can be positive - but when we live in fear it doesn't work... when we're working the program some of the characteristics that kill us have the ability to serve us.

Luann

WOW you have some great stuff on your page. I am alive and recovered because of ACOA and I am truly greatful to all who come before me and took the time to reach out to those of us without a voice or a clue.

Partick Brown

Maria Marsala wrote:

"PS. My recollection of his talk was that he, Tony Allen (yes, like most original ACoA's, we used our last names) and Kathleen S were "co-founders" of ACoA...."


Sorry, Maria but I have been informed otherwise and that Tony Allen was not is real name. Although Tony had different views on anonymity he did not use his real name. If you google around enough you can find his real name on the internet. I would go ahead and write it hear but I personally feel that the person that informed me was sort of name dropping and broke Tony's fairly well kept anonymity.

Maria Marsala

PS. My recollection of his talk was that he, Tony Allen (yes, like most original ACoA's, we used our last names) and Kathleen S were "co-founders" of ACoA. Tony was a stock broker on Wall Street and before he died in 2004, taught meditation in Florida. And that all the material that came about-- was spearheaded by Tony, but was a collaboration with a group of people.

The using our full names came from the concept that we should not be afriad of who we were. That having kept so much a secret, it was time for us to come out of hiding.

Maria Marsala

Great article about ACOA. I had the honor of attending an event or two where Tony spoke. And the PDF you have, I have .... from that meeting. Funny to see how something typewritten looks on the web :)

Thanks again. I miss the ACoA meetings, the way they were meant to be.

amyeden

Ann, hi and thanks for your comment!

It's just too ironic - so many of us really identify so strongly with Tony's Laundry List...yet it's an "unapproved" list!

Talk about control issues. :-)

In terms of AAC meetings...they are few and far between.

I hope others will start their own, whether AAC or ACA meetings.

--ae

ann

Al-Anon has separate meetings called AAC, Al-Anon's Adult Children. While the Laundry List is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature, groups may use it if they take a group conscience. Many AAC groups use the Laundry List this way. There is still tension over use of this document; in some states the Al-Anon groups will not list AAC groups that use it. My experience is that the people who are most against it, that is, they attend meetings and then dramatically announce that that Laundry List is not approved, are the one in most need of Adult Child recovery.
ACA, the fellowship which began in California, has an awesome Big Book which has just begun circulating where I live and it is having a huge impact.

12 step Free

I don't believe in God or a higher power. I am agnostic and believe in evolution. I know that one doesn't "have" to believe in God or be religious to benefit from the steps. I am a the perfect example of that. I was told in rehab that "I had better get on my knees and start praying." or I wasn't going to make it. Ooops! How are the steps supposed to work for me and others like me? The answer is that they don't work for me. I've been working on myself for many years, with no steps and no higher power. Just me and several therapists.
The following is from the above text "Lots of strength and self assurance, humility, dependence on God -all of this comes when an AC is dedicated to finally focusing on themselves with the help of God and others." How can dependence on anything or anyone be helpful? Isn't it more effective and helpful for us to believe in our selves and our own strength, decisions and success. After all, I've really got no one to thank or give credit to but myself. I did all of the work. Not my higher power and not God. When is recovery going to be totally free of religion, god or a higher power? Almost half of the country DOES NOT identify with any particular religion. Wouldn't the whole process just be easier without it? Do I have to modify the process and create my own "higher power", take what I want and leave the rest in order to recover? I think not!

Kimberly

Here are some more positive traits:

AC's may have an innate ability to lean on their Higher Power or it may come more easily and naturally to them because they have always needed their Higher Power tremendously.

AC's have a kindness and an empathy which, once steered in the proper direction and co-dependent behaviors are unlearned (!), can benefit highly others around him/her.

AC's have an excellent working sense of their Higher Power as their "inner voice" or "intuition."

AC's, once healed of core identity issues, have a beautiful humility which is characterized by their knowledge of their need for God - and at the same time have a real fortitude and strength, because humility is strength.

Once their denial habit is kicked, AC's have an incredible ability and courage to continue to taking a "fearless moral inventory."

AC's, when healed of core issues, have ability to see pitfalls of other AC's and can be a help and strength to those climbing out of the same pits.

Lots of strength and self assurance, humility, dependence on God -all of this comes when an AC is dedicated to finally focusing on themselves with the help of God and others.

Dave

I was just thinking about these traits and step 4. What I am reminded of is that there is a difference between a characteristic/defect and survival patterns. Overreacting to change was a trait of mine until I learned that it came from childhood. In my chaotic home I had to be vigilant and aware of my father at all times. When he was ready to go on a rage binge, I had to protect myself by "vacating". Whether it was physically or mentally. So my survival pattern was to flee, and that carried into adulthood.

Jeanette

ACAs Have The Ability To:
1. See red flags and warning signs
2. choose
3. change
4. love with wisdom
5. be empathetic
6. detach
7. give
8. care for self
9. reparent themselves
10. move forward. :)

secondchancetolive

Thank you for taking the time to explain the history of ACA and how the common characteristics were developed. Very interesting.

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