Making decisions has everything to do with self-sabotage. Much of the time self-sabotage stems from not making decisions at all and allowing ourselves to have decisions made for us through the passage of time -- deadlines will come and go if we do nothing. If you want to apply to graduate school and do nothing to make it happen, your inaction is a form of self-sabotage. Deadlines will come and go; it's up to us to set things into motion. Think of it as watching a conveyor belt roll by -- and jumping on that conveyor belt. Become one of the people moving forward.
My Hero's Journey post tackled self-sabotage from a metaphorical perspective, and this post is meant to help us take a very practical approach to decision-making and by doing so eluding self-sabotage.
In many ways, my advice for all of us is: be willing to get it wrong. Be willing to make a decision, make a forward move, and for it to turn out to be "wrong." (In truth, I don't think there are "wrong" decisions, but we all think in that way, of right/wrong. I think we like to look back at certain decisions and label them wrong; in reality, we made those decisions for a reason that was necessary at the time, and we shouldn't judge ourselves for that. If we weren't self-knowing enough at the time to do what we would do now, we should accept that and be kind to our younger, less-healed self.)
I'm not advocating shooting for bad decisions. Nope. What I'm advocating is to be willing to get a decision wrong. It's easy to become paralyzed in the decision-making process, especially when we think we're making a decision that will alter the course of our lives. In order to release ourselves from that paralysis of non-decision making, we need to be willing to make the best possible decision we know how to, and also be open to the fact that we might get that decision wrong.
Continued...
THE ALL-TIME BEST DECISION-MAKING TOOL
The list. Your best decision-making friend is the basic pros & cons list. You can use a pen and paper, or a computer. But it is absolutely essential that you write this down -- it doesn't work thinking it in your head.
Let's say you're making a decision about more education, whether an associate's degree, a certificate, or a masters degree.
First, get a piece of paper and divide it into four parts, either by folding or drawing a line across the middle then down the middle of the page.
Then write the following in the top center of each of the 4 quadrants:
On the top right-hand side, write "Yes - Practical" and below it write "Yes - Emotions." On the top left-hand side write, "No - Practical," and below that, "No - Emotions." (This is a bit more dynamic than the standard pros & cons list.)
Then, start to fill up those 4 sections with your reasons for why you should make the decision, and why you shouldn't. Since you have sections for covering your emotional reasons, you should be able to exhaust every single rational and irrational reason you can possibly think of for making, or not making, the decision to get more education.
THE 2 PROS & 2 CONS LISTS
I went to graduate school, and the decision actually took me two years before I finally went for it! So, I understand that some decisions take time. I'll use my own decision-making process as the example.
What's interesting to me, looking at these lists now, three years after I completed my MFA, is that it was one of the best decisions I ever made, but these lists would not necessarily reflect that. It wasn't a good "practical" decision, but in terms of my self-worth and investing in my mind and writing abilities, it was absolutely the right thing to do.
Here's how my 2 pros / 2 cons list would have looked:
No - Practical
I would have to take loans and be in debt
It's money I don't have
A MFA won't make me more employable
It would be hard to work a full-time job and do school, too
Two years is a long time to sacrifice
I don't "need" it, it's a "nice to have" kind of thing
No - Emotions
Too old at this point
People making fun of a creative writing degree
People asking if I'm working on the Great American novel, annoying
I'd be getting yet another "useless" degree
My stepmom will think I'm trying to out-educate her, like we're competing
Yes - Practical
A masters degree is always good to have, no matter what the subject is
It would help me get a teaching job
I'll learn to write better more quickly than on my own - that is time-saving
Yes - Emotions
I'll believe in myself more if I have a higher degree
If I have a masters in writing, people will think of me as a writer
Hopefully I'll think of myself as a writer, finally
It'll boost my self-confidence
It's a gift from me to me - an act of love in a way
Nobody can call me 'dumb'
It'll 'save' me from turning into my alcoholic mother
My dad will be proud of me
MAKE YOUR LIST
Don't judge yourself as you make your lists, just focus on getting every thought down on paper, no matter how embarrassing or scary.
MAKE A DECISION
Maybe you won't make your decision right away, but making this list will help you reach a clearer perspective about how to make the decision.
I think you'll see that your fears and emotions take up the most space on the list. Look carefully at your 'Yes - Emotions' and let that guide you in doing what is best for you.
Just you.
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