Creating Routine in Your Life is Strengthening Your Inner Architecture

What do I mean by 'inner architecture'? I mean the posts and beams that hold you up. I mean your hanger, your skeleton, your columns, your chair back, your muscles, your spirit--all that which holds your head up and makes the 'you' inside your body feel well-supported.

Maybe you drink tea or just a glass or water in the morning. Do you? What is your morning beverage, or food? What is your morning routine--do you have one?

Routines are so important, and incredibly so for anyone who grew up within a chaotic environment. I write this for you, and I write this for me. I travel a good deal, and I am continually re-entering my routine. There have been times I've felt like driftwood, going from one day to the next never having truly re-centered or collected myself. Today, it's early-early morning. I have a morning flight in a few hours and I got up early to write. I write this now so that when I get on that plane and get into work-mode, I'll know that I've got the "me" inside supported and strong. I'm also drinking a cup of coffee. Coffee has become a part of my morning routine that I cherish. I like the ritual of scooping the grounds into the paper cone sitting in the plastic cone-holder on top of my cup. I adore the smell of the woods and soil, as the boiled water passed through the grounds and the coffee releases its flavor.

It is so important to establish, protect, and enjoy a morning routine. (Incidentally, I've heard from eastern doctors that cold liquids, especially orange juice, early in the morning tend to increase back problems.) The morning, if you're willing to do what it takes to carve out the time, can be a peaceful environment in which to reflect and prepare for the day.

It will take you about 2 weeks to create a morning self-reflection routine. Help yourself by setting out a notebook or your exercise pad at night before you go to bed, which will make getting up less oppressive. Don't worry about telling others you're going to do this, just focus on doing it--no need to put extra pressure on yourself. This is for you, only.

Try waking up 15 minutes early at first, which is a realistic amount of time for starting out. It's hard to argue with one's self that you don't have 15 for yourself (I do hope you aren't able to talk yourself out of 15 minutes!)

If you are someone who meditates or does yoga in the morning, I admire you. I cannot imagine a more well being-focused way to re-enter consciousness and a new day.

Continued...

A MORNING ROUTINE

Because adult children of alcoholics grew up with the constant disruption of routine (if ever there was a routine to begin with), we are constantly braced against disruptions. There is a certain percentage of our mental and spiritual energy being used (right now) just in case something terrible happens (right now). We're always prepared and our fight-or-flight instinct could compete with that of our cave-dwelling ancestors who ran after their food with a spear in hand. It's that well-honed. We're fast on our feet, quick to react. The part of our brain that keeps that reaction in check didn't get the same amount of practice being developed because we weren't in a calm, stable environment. (In fact the routine that we've gotten so used to is to expect that after things seem to be calm, they will be soon disrupted. This routine is so ingrained that I know a lot of us now, unconsciously, manage to freak out when things have been calm for too long.)

The opposite of chaos? Routine! A routine, that is, of calm and of self-nurturing. If you have a routine, you can exhale into it, and you can use your mental and spiritual battery (that's ready to flee or fight) for other purposes.

You're the master of your own routine, whether it's doing stretches, taking a walk around your neighborhood, sipping tea or coffee and staring out the window as the birds wake up. Maybe your routine includes a bit of writing, or humming and walking around your living space. Come up with a routine, and try to be sure that it's taking up 30 minutes or so. Try to make sure that it involves reflection--thoughts about what kind of day you want it to be (this kind of positive pre-thinking about the day will benefit you, all day). Think about what you're thankful for.

I recommend avoiding checking email or watching TV or any electronics (music). Tough for some of you, yes. I know this will mean breaking habits that won't be easy to break in order to create better habits. But you can at least wait 30 minutes before the email or TV. This way you'll be able to connect with yourself and keep that connection throughout the day (electronics first thing in the morning immediately disconnects you from yourself and self-reflection. Don't worry, the world will still be there in 30 minutes for you to connect to electronically.)

If you live with other people who want your time in the morning, that's even more reason to steal 30 minutes for yourself before others begin needing you.

A particularly good thing about carving out a routine for yourself is that you're acting rather than reacting, which is a much-needed, healthy practice for adult children of alcoholics. Taking action is one of the many forms of healing and growing up and becoming responsible for yourself.

Enjoy forming your routine. And don't worry, if you miss a morning...just start again the next day.

Happy New Year.

--ae

Comments

[amyeden]

Patrick, hi, what if you tried to write a bit, while sipping your coffee, for a few minutes before the yard work as your morning self-reflection? Writing might assist in keeping you alert. I can appreciate how meditation would be too-too relaxing first thing in the a.m.! Your routine of light yard work, especially being outside, sounds wonderful.

[Partrick]

I have been trying to do a morning meditation. I have been successful and making progress ,a few good minutes.I miss my old routine!I used to spend every moment outside around the yard drinking my coffee and stretching as I did light yardwork.I love my little morning meditation but I have been gaining weight partly because of the cooler weather but mostly because after I meditate I am so relaxed it is hard to get going!I have found it hard to do both.I have cleared a little place in the yard(woods)that is very peaceful. I suppose I'll need to build a shelter when I can afford it.I need to incorporate my new and old routine.Hopefully I won't get as big as Budda before I figure it out.

[Patrick]

This is a great article,I would write more but I just woke up and need to go do my routine!This electronic can be addictive in itself.

[april]

You mean I've gotta get up at 5:30 a.m.?! Actually, this suggestion is perfect for me. This morning I stared out the window for 10 minutes and...just...stood there thinking about the day ahead. really, really good. THANKS