You spend a lot of time at work. I do. Too much. So, it's likely that one or two of our issues would get in the way during the work day, right? I mean, it's not as if we can stop being people from less-than-perfect childhood homes and turn into emotionless robots at work, right? Too true.
So, what are our issues at work and how can we keep them out of the way of getting our jobs done?
Continued...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT PEOPLE ARE ASKING OF YOU
We might be great listeners, as the compassionate people we are, but we're not always great at hearing a message or really understanding what we're being told. We're so afraid of the worst, that we project our fears onto a person's words, and we fail to get the right information. We think people are asking us to solve major problems and take on large projects, when often we're being asked to tackle much smaller tasks.
The best first step is to repeat to people what they've said to you. Confirm that you truly do understand. This is a great active-listening skill.
This might sound like being a robot, but you have to find a way to do it creatively, with personality, and it won't feel like a script. When you repeat a person's words back to them it gives that person a chance to be sure that's what they meant to say (maybe they didn't say what they meant to!), it lets them know that you're not only listening but that you want to be sure you really understand, and it gives you the opportunity to learn how to listen to the words being spoken to you and give your anxiety-laden filter a break.
If your boss says, "We need this Right Away!" you can ask, "You want this 'Right Away.' Can you clarify what's 'Right Away?' Is that in an hour, or by tomorrow?" (Don't assume that right away really means immediately or even in a day's time - get clarification.)
If your boss says, "This data is all wrong," say, "Sounds like this data is a mess. What do you think should be done? What action do you want me to take?" (Don't assume that by commenting that the data is all wrong that you're being asked to correct all of it. Ask questions, get more information on the meaning of the comment.)
We tend to be overly self-critical, so we hear criticism when it's not there. Keep that in check. You may have a tendency to feel bad about what your boss or coworkers think of you, simply out of a habit to feel bad about yourself and others' interest in you. It's so, so, so important to keep in mind that (a) you have a tendency to assume the worst, even despite evidence to the contrary, and (b) you owe it to yourself, and to others, to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If someone didn't include you in lunch - don't assume they dislike you. You don't know the reason for it. Don't assume the worst. We're prone to, so we need to stay aware when it creeps up. It's a waste of time to cultivate negative thoughts about yourself.
Don't let feeling stupid get in the way of asking questions of your boss, coworkers, or in a meeting. This will only make it harder to work when you're stuck because you didn't ask that question. Ask questions so that you can do your work efficiently and with the knowledge of what's expected and needed. You're as smart as you think you are!
LEARN TO ESTIMATE YOUR WORKLOAD
People fear they are going to be fired. You're not going to be fired. Or, maybe you are. Either way, worrying about it won't change a thing! You're doing fine. Be proud of your work! Really: stop worrying.
We tend to take on too much, say yes, yes, yes to projects, priorities, and deadlines -- whether or not they are realistic. We just don't have much life training in how to plan out large projects or estimate how long it takes to get certain tasks done. So, we need to teach ourselves.
Becoming realistic about what you can get done by a certain time or date requires getting comfortable saying no to projects and deadlines - saying, "I can't do it by then, but I can do it by a week later." Why do we tend to say yes, yes, yes? Because then we don't have to use the word "no," which is very difficult for us.
It's uncomfortable for us to sit down and really plan out how long certain tasks will take and come up with realistic deadlines. We didn't come from a place where "realistic" was relevant. Nothing was good enough and the plans were always changing...being realistic just didn't fit in.
You will not get fired for saying no to certain deadlines because saying no to deadlines will allow you to MEET your other deadlines. Once you start meeting deadlines, you won't be so hard on yourself. It's a vicious-cycle. When you commit yourself to unrealistic expectations, you will feel badly when you miss the deadline.
If you need help assessing deadlines and how long it will take you to get things done -- ask a coworker you trust to help you. Tell them what you need to get done, and how long you've allowed yourself to do it. Tell them all the details, don't skip any. Then, ask if they feel you've given yourself enough time.
If that boss says, "We need this Right Away!" you can ask, "You want this 'Right Away.' What is 'Right Away?' Is that in an hour, or by tomorrow?" If your boss says, "As soon as you can possibly get it done!" say, "The soonest I can get this done is day after tomorrow afternoon. I have two other pressing priorities to finish up first." That is a form of saying no.
Take time, as much as you need (a lot at first), to write down the steps of a task and plot out how much time it will take to accomplish each task that makes up the whole. Then, give yourself EXTRA time so that you have more than you need. You might even want to double the time you think you'll need to get something done.
This kind of careful planning will allow you to get your work done on time and feel self-confident about what you can get done and how you manage your time. You'll soon understand what a realistic timeline feels like, and you'll enjoy that sanity!
Read about planning projects and self-sabotage here.
NO MORE GOSSIP
Gossip? Don't. Stop doing it. Train yourself, even if you have to stop in mid-sentence - stop doing it. It's bad, and toxic. Gossip is saying anything negative about anyone not present in the conversation. Gossip has no value - none. Don't fool yourself that it's a bonding activity.
Triangling can be a problem, too. Sometimes coworkers "bond" over their dislike of their boss or manager, or coworker. You know triangling is happening if you two spend some time in each conversation talking about that other person. This is a false bond. It's negative. Try to be aware of this in your work relationships, and do your best to shorten those conversations and change the subject to something else - anything - that you two have in common. You'll both be relieved. Read more about triangling here.
Roll with change. There will always be change in any work environment. Roll with change - it is a constant and will exist wherever you work. Don't fall prey to the "us" versus "them" kind of thinking that sometimes emerges when a new boss starts or a new coworker is hired.
WORK IN A HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT
Trust your gut about whether or not you work in a healthy work environment. Signs of a healthy work environment are: You like and trust your coworkers. You trust your boss and can take questions and concerns to your boss comfortably. Your ideas are welcomed and valued. You don't feel "watched." You have opportunities to learn. You're content and stimulated most of the time.
Remember, you contribute to the vibe at work! Reflect what you're seeking.
Take care- ae
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