Are You In Your Own Way?

From what frame of mind do you view your world?

The frame through which you view your world is made up of all your life experiences, your emotions, your education, relationship experiences, your social class, financial situation, and obviously your personal issues. You and one hundered other people, in the same situation, at the same gathering, post office, carnival, farmer's market, airport...will each interpret it differently. It's very hard if not impossible to exist objectively - and there's no reason to, unless you want to be a scientist and uncreative about it all. But it's important to consider what your point of view is made of. What's the frame through which you view and interpret the world composed of?

Any time you are in a situation (in line at the coffee shop) or in conversation, you are interpreting what's going on. Think about it. If you text or call your friend while you're waiting in line, you might comment on how inefficient the people behind the counter are, you might comment that the line is really long (but what's "long" given the time of day and amount of time you have and how good their coffee is? Probably the line feels longer if you have less time - that's subjective, an interpretation) or that your day is completely off-track because nothing has gone right, especially not this "quick" trip to the coffee shop. Plus, the jerks are out of your favorite scone. Of course! What a disaster.

Do you think everyone in line is having those same thoughts? Probably not. Look around you - how are the other people in line seeming to 'be' in this situation? At peace? Frustrated? Distracted? Reading? I don't know about you but I am amused by the people who look frustrated and irritated by the situation because they seem like victims of their own personal drama (and unnecessarily so!) Occasionally someone will turn to you, and say, "Can you believe the inefficiency of these people?! Remind me not to get my coffee here!" And it's often a surprise because strangers will be coming from a very different frame of mind than your own. Yet, we often do the polite thing and shake our heads, "Oh, yeah, I know." Unless you're honest enough to say, "I really like this place and I'm happy to wait." (Meanwhile, you interpret the other person as being uptight, and they interpret you as being unobservant.)

Anyway, my point is that while we're all in the same situation, we're not experiencing it the same because of what's in our heads and the frame through which we view the world. We're in totally different but identical realities.

CONTINUED...

People with healthy self-esteem are open to change - change in plans and change in themselves. I mention this because you're putting your self-esteem to good use when you examine what your frame of mind is.

So, what is it? What is the frame through which you view the world made of?

Do you relate to suggested plans by reacting to how much they'll cost, first? Do you scrutinize a situation according to your politics? Do you feel uncomfortable when you're outside your social class and view situations primarily through the frame of your social class - what you don't have?

Think about it.

What do you bring to your interpretation of other people, movies, long lines, people's cooking, the quality of someone's hug or handshake, the condition of someone's sneakers...what's going on when you interpret your world? Are you an envious person - do you often view others through a frame of comparison to yourself? What's in your head?

Do you often find yourself thinking, "Why does this seem to always happen....?" Do you realize that OF COURSE it always happens? It always happens because your frame of mind hasn't changed although the situation may have changed -- your frame of mind will continue to interpret things as it does until you reconsider how you view your world.

Think about what frustrates you. Then think about how altering your interpretation -- altering the frame through which you interpret your world -- might alleviate your frustration and bring you a sense of satisfaction.

For example, if you often feel frustrated (like I do on Sunday late afternoons) about how quickly Saturday and Sunday pass without a satisfying feeling of having gotten both time to relax and also time to accomplish something that you just don't have time for during the week (in my case, that's writing), then consider changing something about that equation. Don't be a victim of your own hand. For example, focus on what you DID get done. Let's see, you went for a hike, you did laundry, you called a couple old friends, you cooked dinner, played with your kid(s), and went to a movie. And you spent an hour working a project that's important to you. Not as much time as you'd like, but it made a dent in the work. So, even though you didn't clean the bathroom, wash the car, buy those containers to neaten up your bathroom products, pick up that part for your bike, work even longer on your important project, deep clean the litter box, organize the junk closet, buy printer paper, and didn't pay the bills...yes you did do the other things. Attune your mind to what got done, not what didn't. Shift your mind around to view the situation from another point of view, try a new perspective on the same situation. Nobody gets it all done (remember that).

If I make sure I do the two things (two, just two, a small, realistic number), the two that I know will bring me a sense of satisfaction from the weekend and do them FIRST, then I'm rarely frustrated about all the other things I didn't get done. It's a magic formula for breaking free from frustration.

So...what is your frame of mind made of? (And whose in charge of it?)

Comments

[Ryan]

I've also found that for some reason my sights are set high, so if I lower my standards of what I expect from myself for a given weekend or project I am often fascinated with what I accomplish...