People who were raised by drinking parents are often labeled children of alcoholics or adult children of alcoholics, and share in common not only that particular childhood experience but also certain behavioral and emotional characteristics. One of these characteristics is that someone raised by a drinking parent, or parents, often finds they have to guess at what normal is. They aren't sure they know. They do know that they cannot base their definition of normal on any of their own experiences.
How do normal people end conversations? Seemingly effortlessly. Not so for others. Ending conversations is excruciating for many people. It can be difficult for someone who grew up in an alcoholic household to know how to end conversations. Complex conversations. Simple conversations. Their conversations might often exceed their comfort level, go beyond where they should topically, and even make the person late. It is likely that the person from the alcoholic household will leave it to the other person to end the conversation. In their book, “Lifeskills for Adult Children,” Janet Woititz and Alan Garner (Health Communications, Inc. 1990), the authors dedicate a full chapter to ending conversations and ending visits. They assert that adult children of alcoholics often “feel stuck in conversations, unsure of how to conclude them in a friendly manner.”
As an acoa, I'm stuck in a lot of places where I have no clue what normal is! Thanks for the book title. I'll get it from the library right away!
Posted by: Jan | 27 May 2009 at 08:40 PM