We make decisions all the time, some small, some large -- asking someone out on a date/accepting a date, joining a club, moving, looking for a new job, breaking-up, changing your hairstyle, joining a gym, having a difficult conversation/confrontation, going to a party, buying a computer or car, or going on a trip, buying groceries, making new friends...
Decisions abound!
To make good decisions, "good" being what's right for you right now, you need to know yourself, respect your boundaries, and be willing to stretch your comfort zones.
Stretching your comfort zones is healthy because it adds variety and newness to your life experience. So, if you're not very social, if you isolate easily, then you should say yes to plans that include social activities and anything that gets you out of the house. And if you hate committing yourself to plans because you enjoy having the flexibility of doing 'whatever-whenever,' try committing yourself to one thing that you know you can satisfy.
It's just as important to protect your boundaries, that which keeps you feeling calm and content. Say you know that you tend to say yes to everyone and everything then, consequently, feel stressed-out and over-committed--then it's best to be aware of this, slow down, and say 'no.'
Here are some questions you can ask yourself when faced with making the next decision that comes your way (or just consult the new magic 8 ball):
1. Do you feel impulsive about this decision - are you obsessing over it? If so, you must take a break from it. Don't get caught in the clutches of imagined pressure -- take control, detach.
2. If you feel you need to make a decision quickly, why?
3. What impact might delaying the decision have on the outcome, if any?
CONTINUED....
4. Do you feel pressured to make a decision? If so, that's a good sign that you should delay making the decision so that you can figure out the reason why time-pressure or emotional-pressure is involved.
5. Are you making this decision for what's best for you? It can be very hard to make a decision when you're used to putting the best interest of others' before your own needs. Take the time to sort out what you want not what they want.
6. What are the alternatives to making the decision--what will happen if you don't make a decision?
7. Do you have all the information you need in order to make the decision in such a way that you're wholly comfortable?
8. On the other hand, are you prepared to make a decision for which you cannot know everything that you wish you could know (such as the outcome and some consequences) and can you decide not to regret it, knowing you made the best possible decision at the time?
9. Is it possible that you're not ready to make this decision?
10. Do you have a gut instinct about the decision you want to make? What was your very first thought regarding it?
REALITY CHECK! Bounce your decision, and how you got there, off someone. Find someone you trust. Be careful who you choose, since we tend to choose people we subconsciously know will steer us in one direction or another. So, ask someone you can trust to be objective!
Once you've made the decision, so long as you've taken your time and have been thoughtful about it, feel good that you've done it and moved from indecision to decision. What a relief!
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